So, why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
by Harvey the Wonder Hamster
Summary: Kurt should know better than to fall asleep in the common room. He's really starting to regret, especially when a snarky meerkat keeps annoying him. Rated T for language and implied...things. Implied future Kurtbastian.


**So, I'm going through a glee phase and I have this thing for Sebastian and Kurt is basically my hero...and yeah. It seemed like a good idea. I was just sitting there and BAM!, it hit me. Anyway, yeah. Also, those wondering if I plan to continue Rejected Scenes from Twilight, yes. I do, eventually. Untill then...yeah.**

Kurt should've known better. He should've known better than to fall asleep in the Dalton common room and assume that he was going to get a good nights sleep. Really, it seems ridiculously obvious now. Fall asleep in the common room and someone was bound to bother you sooner or later. But, in his defense, he was extremely tired and, in his tired state of mind, it seemed like a good idea...untill he was woken up at two in the morning by someone poking his shoulder.

"Hey." Something poked his shoulder. Kurt pulled his blanket around him tighter and tried to ignore the person poking him, hoping he'd go away.

"Hey, Gay Face." Another poke. Kurt groaned slightly.

"Heyyyyy." Poke. Kurt continued to ignore him.

Poke. Poke. Poke.

"Stop ignoring me."

Poke.

Poke.

...Poke.

"What?" Kurt grumbled, flattening down his hair. He heared an annoyed huff and a rustling to his right.

"Seriously, Gay Face. Does it really take that long to get a response from you? I bet your a real bitch in the morning." Kurt slowly looked up into a pair of green eyes, blinking off sleep.

"What do you want, Meerkat?" Sebastian chuckled at the familiar insult.

"Your boyfriend under me, calling out my name...begging for more. Writhing as I-"

"Okay, I think that's enough of that." Kurt tried to keep the blush off his face, praying that Sebastian wouldn't notice. Sebastian rolled his eyes, leaning up slightly from his previous position of leaning back on his elbows to get a better look at the glaz eyed boy.

"Don't be such a prude, Hummel. You seriously need to get laid...in fact, how 'bout right now? You and me," Sebastian sat up suddenly, his face only inches from Kurt's. Kurt was sure his face was a bright red. Just looking into those green eyes, filled with such intense emotion, made thoughts go through his head that he would never admit ever thinking, even under the threat of all of his Vogue magazines being burned...Damm that smirky meerkat.

"We'll go to my dorm, you and I...have a few shots, maybe take a nice bubble bath...What do you say?" Kurt backed away, cursing in his head when Sebastian countered his movements, moving even closer. Kurt desperately hoped the boy couldn't hear his ridicously fast-beating heart.

"I say that you need to go back to bed and get some much needed sleep because you are obviously delusional." Sebastian smirked, backing away, giving Kurt his personal space and ability to think clearly back.

"You don't know what you're missing, Hummel, but okay. I'd much rather have you're boyfriend anyway. Just the thought of him, sucking me off...," He licked his lips slowly, smirking. Kurt tried extremely hard not to imagine other things that tongue could be doing and focused on his anger at him instead. Get it together, Hummel. Boyfriend, remember Blaine? Love of your life? Ring a bell?

"Seriously, though. You need to relax. I hardly think anyone's gonna come and rape your gay ass or anything." Kurt rolled his eyes in annoyance, sweeping his hair back from his forehead. Honestly, he is such a hypocrite.

"You're gay too, idiot." Sebastian put his hand on his heart, shifting back dramatically, eyes wide.

"Really? I never knew. I never suspected a thing. I thought fucking random guys made me straight! Tell me, am I a happy gay?" Kurt shoved him, fighting off a smile, hoping a well would appear behind him and, maybe, just maybe, would break his leg when he fell. Not enough to kill him, just enough to stop him from bothering him and ruining his mood, or, in this case, preventing his beauty sleep. Unfortunately, nothing of the sort happened. In fact, the smirking boy was barely effected from his shove.

"Shut up, you ass." Sebastian laughed.

"What a nice comeback. Impressive really." Sebastian mocked. Kurt sighed, sweeping his hair back again. All he really wanted to do was to go back to sleep and hope this was all a horrible dream. Pretend that he wasn't attracted to Sebastian, and that, instead of wanting to kiss the smirk off that meerkat's face, he wanted to smack it off.

"Seriously, Smythe-"

"Nice alliteration."

"-What are you doing, poking me at," Kurt checked the time on the clock on the wall "2:13 in the morning?" Sebastian shrugged, rolling his shoulders. If he was being honest he wasn't one hundred percent sure himself, it was just one of those things that he did impuslively, without thinking. Kind of like that time he broke his hand from punching the wall. Logically, he knew he shouldn't have punched the wall, but he wasn't exactly thinking logically at the time.

"I was coming back from a late night and there you were, looking so innnocent. I just couldn't resist bothering you." Kurt sighed. Of course, there wouldn't be a reason. He should've expected that. He turned his back on Sebastian, curling up on his left side. Perhaps making it clear that he had no intention of finishing this conversation would make Sebastian leave. This, of course, failed epically.

"So, you're just gonna ignore me? That's a smart idea." He continued sarcastiacally when he didn't hear a reply. "It worked so well the last time." No reply. Sebastian sighed. Really, he thought Hummel would at least make some snarky remark or something. Well, he could always go back to the basic poking. It seemed to work pretty well last time, well, it got Hummel's attention anyway.

Poke. Sebastian waited. No response.

Poke. Silence.

Poke. Poke. Poke. No reply. Damn, he's good.

Poke. Nothing.

"Hey...Gay Face."

Poke. Still nothing. Damn, he must be pretty determined to ignore him.

...Poke. Ahh, a twitch. Progress.

...Poke. Another twitch.

_Poke._ Kurt sat up suddenly, glaring at Sebastian, his hair an absolute mess from being under the blanket without any hairspray on. He had really hoped that Sebastian would go away, that he would get the hint that he was unwelcome. Then again, he didn't get the idea when Kurt flat out told him that he would rather eat a fat-filled milkshake then spend any more time with Sebatian then absolutely necessary, so, it really shouldn't be that surprising. Sebastian must be really desperate for entertainment.

"What. The hell. Do you want?" Sebastian felt a grin tugging at his mouth but restrained it. The last thing he needed was Gay Face seeing it and go full out "furious diva" on him. Hot as that would be, it would be too annoying to be worth it. On the other hand...messing with Hummel's mind a bit sounded really appealing. More appealing than he would like to admit, but Hummel didn't need to know that.

Kurt swallowed when Sebastian suddenly turned slightly and moved forward, making him the only thing in Kurt's line of vision, his face only inches from Kurt's. Kurt leaned back very slowly, hoping that maybe, just maybe, Sebastian wouldn't notice. He saw Sebastian's mouth twitch upwards, and knew that Sebastian had very much noticed that he was attempting to move away from the handsome green-eyed boy. Sebastian countered his movements, leaning forward when Kurt leaned back. I seem to be in this position a lot, Kurt dimmly noted. At least more than usual. Kurt struggled to keep his eyes away from those kissable pink lips oh-so close to his own. He settled with fixing his eyes firmly on one of Sebastian's barely noticable freckles near his left eye.

"What do you think I want?" Sebastian whispered, sounding like he had just ran three miles.

"Is that a trick question?" Kurt whispered back. Sebastian shakily chuckled, turning back to his original position.

"I just want to ask you a few questions." Kurt raised his eyebrow. That's it? Was he serious?

"Are you serious?" Sebastian nodded with an amused expression on his face.

"Deadly." Kurt actually looked speechless.

"Um, okay. Go ahead, I guess." Sebastian leaned forward slightly, his eyes lighting up.

"Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?" Of course Sebastian would ask a perverted question like-wait...what? Why did the...What does a monkey have to do with anything?

"Because the other monkey pushed him?" Kurt tried. Sebastian shook his head.

"Nope." A few moments passed.

"Well?" Kurt asked. Sebastian leaned back. tilting his head to the side. Yep, messing with Hummel's head is definitely one of his pastimes.

"Because he died." Kurt blinked. That's...kind of depressing actually. Sebastian leaned back on his elbows, snickering at the shocked look on Kurt's face.

"Why did the second monkey die?" Kurt pulled his eyebrows together.

"Because he died?" Sebastian shook his head.

"Does everyone die in your world, Hummel? Or is it just the monkeys? No, it was because he was duct taped to the first monkey." As much as Kurt wanted to deny it, that actually kind of made sense. How two monkeys got duct taped together, he wasn't positively sure, but he bet odder things had happened. And if two monkeys did happen to get duct taped together, the second monkey probably would fall out of the tree if the first monkey did die and fell out of a tree.

"So, Hummel, why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? And, no, it's not because he died." Kurt sighed tiredly. He was so done with this game.

"I don't know, Sebastian. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?" Sebastian shook his head disappointedly, enjoying the look of tired annoyance on the countertenor's face way more than he should.

"Don't you at least have a guess? Aren't you supposed to be creative and crap?" Kurt glared.

"Just tell me why the freaking monkey fell out of the tree, Smythe." Sebastian threw his head back and laughed. When he stopped, there was obvious amusement in his eyes.

"Oooh, does this kitten have claws? I didn't know dead monkeys excited you so much. Alright, alright," he added when he saw Kurt narrowed his eyes at him, "the third monkey fell out of the tree because he was too busy laughing at the second monkey. Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?" Kurt dramatically fell back and sighed. How many freaking monkeys could fit on a tree?

"Why?" Sebastian grinned, clearly enjoying Kurt's annoyance.

"Peer pressure." Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Of course."

"It's serious subject. Lots of teenagers are effected by peer pressure everyday." Kurt sat up his elbows and raised his eyebrows.

"I understand that it's serious and everything, but what does that have to do with monkeys?" Sebastian was really enjoying this. Really, really enjoying this. If Hummel going to act like this way everytime someone annoyed him, he was definitely going to be seeing more of Sebastian if he had anything to say about it. Wonder what my parents would say if I asked to bring someone home during the holidays...

"That's the joy of it, absolutely nothing." Kurt closed his eyes and counted to ten. Then counted again. And again. He wasn't sure what it was exactly, maybe it was cocky he was, about Sebastian that always without fail managed to get under his skin, but whatever it was, Kurt really hated it. Sebastian obviously enjoyed annoying Kurt, seeing as he did it so often. Sometimes Kurt was convinced that Sebastian plotted ways to irritate Kurt in his spare time and just bided his time till an oppurtunity arose. He stood up, stretching as he did so. He ignored Sebastian's eyes on the patch of skin that showed between his designer, silk pajamas.

"Good night, Smythe."

"Bedtime, Hummel?" Kurt half heartedly glared.

"Say what you want. 'Night." Sebatian snorted from his place on the floor.

"Sleep well princess."

**Remember kids, _POSITIVELY DANGEROUS!_**


End file.
